Words and Text by Chris Pino

Everyone knows the better you think you look in the saddle, the better you ride. Wearing a shit kit? Chances are you’re riding like shit. Dope kit? Chances are you’re shredding. Your shoes are no exception.

This is where Shoe Steez 101 comes in. With the winter approaching wicked fast and the CX season already in full swing, chances are your shoes will get pretty gnar’d up this time of year. Follow this guide to look 103% better and be 87% faster.

Click below to check out the steps.

Step One: Assess the damage.

These are clearly overdue for a cleaning. Mud, grime, horse shit and some left over blood from last time. 

Step Two: Buy shit.

This shit rules. You can be a cheap asshole and get generic kind too, just make sure it’s for set-in stains.

You’ll also need a brush. The stiffer the bristles, the better (no it won’t mess up the shoes).

Step Three: Get wet.

Completely soak the shoe. Don’t puss out and barely get them wet. They’ll be fine. Try to wash off as much loose grime with just water as you can.

Be sure to get loads of water inside the shoes too.

Step Four: Pray and spray.

Put a generous coating over the whole shoe. The water should be off. Just drench the shoes in SHOUT (the inside too). The more the merrier….to a point.

Step Five: Drink Beer.

Let the SHOUT work its magic. Let the shoes sit for 15 minutes (ideally). 5 minutes also works. 

Step Six: ATTACK!

Don’t hold back. Scrub those bitches viscously. Shoes are surprising tough; you’re not going to hurt them. Attack the whole shoe. If you let them sit 15 minutes for the previous step, it may be helpful to wet the brush in running water to get the suds to come to life.

Step Seven: Insole, insole, insole.

Don’t forget to take this guy out and do the above step on it too.

Step Eight: Go in deep.

Jam that bursh down in there. All the way. Smelly feet are the worst. Don’t be a victim.

Step Nine: Dig out the horse shit.

If you’ve spent any time riding Central Park, you’ve stepped in horse shit. You may think you haven’t, but you have. Flip those bad boys over and scrub the poop out of your cleats (yes, mine are just about ruined).

Step Ten: Make it rain.

THROUGHLY rinse the shoes. There shouldn’t be any signs of soap left. If you leave any soap in there, it will just dry out and speed up and breaking down on the fibers in the fabrics. RINSE THAT SHIT OUT.

Step Eleven: Drip dry.

Let the shoes and insoles drip dry for about 10-20 minutes. The nose of the shoe always drains easier, so orientate them as shown. Be careful not too let the insoles dry toe down. It will leave a curve in the insole and you’ll have to re-break them in next ride.

Step Twelve: Air ‘em.

After the shoes are not dripping water all over the house, crack a window and them those dudes get some air. Speeds up the drying time dramatically and prevents and rust of the buckles and shit. If you like your landlord, put a paper towel down to catch any water remaining, otherwise don’t bother.

Step Thirteen: Thirteen steps? For real?!

Admire how good you look. Then go attack the local peleton. 

Note: Mine have had a rough life, hence them still looking a little homeless.

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    Sometimes I regret...yellow Mavics. But I...been too cool...
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